


i think i've lost my mind blurring the fact and the fiction

by juricii



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27851666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juricii/pseuds/juricii
Summary: Tommy is a teenager. Teenagers tend to be more introspective and attentive to their interactions with others.Tommy is one of those.He hates himself and his own personality. (It seems like the others hate him, too.)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Eret & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 37
Kudos: 683





	i think i've lost my mind blurring the fact and the fiction

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry for the angst ending asjjsjksh

**i. wilbur**

Tommy remembers the first time he met the older on the Earth SMP server. He was much more soft-spoken and awkward around him... after all, it was his first meeting with the guitarist, and he was desperate to make a good first impression. The older sighed at his antics, and in the end, did end up killing him in-game. Despite that, Tommy couldn't help but be happy. He interacted with Wilbur so much at that point, that, he knew Wilbur doing that was simply his personal way of showing that he wholly accepted the boy as part of the community.

He spoke with the other more often outside of the videos, and with that he was able to drop his screeching teenager-persona, and he was glad to. As much as he loved being _out there_... sometimes he felt like he never was able to satisfy _anyone_. People were either complaining about him--badmouthing him--or sending hate comments. Even when it was jokingly, it pierced Tommy through the heart.

Especially during that _one MCC_. Tommy sometimes still thinks about it--when him and Techno blatantly ignored him and his quips, and Phil--the one that was supposed to be reasonable, mind you--stayed silent and along with it.

(Tommy had never felt so heartbroken in his life)

**ii. phil**

He knew. He _knew_ it was just a game... just _roleplay_. But... he couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart when Phil took Techno's side, no questions asked. Techno had just _destroyed L'Manburg even more than it already had been by Wilbur, with **Withers**._ Tommy thought Phil would have more common sense, but it turned out, he didn't.

(He didn't tell anyone, but he mourned Wilbur's death. He might've become a sociopathic anarchist with an obsession to blow the country to smithereens, but he _was_ still his _brother._ )

**iii. techno**

Techno was an anarchist--this everyone knew. So was anyone _really_ surprised when he exposed himself to have the materials to spawn multiple Withers? _No._ However, did he expect a confrontation with the older man? _Hell no._

He froze when the pig-hybrid stepped in front of him, monologuing, foreshadowing the downfall of the younger.

(Tommy wondered why he was _always_ the center of being harassed and controversial issues--why not Sapnap or something?)

**iv. tubbo**

Tubbo and Tommy were like two peas in a pod--they complimented each other well. Tommy was loud, rambunctious, and unafraid to speak up, while Tubbo was more on the awkward side, opting to shut his mouth to preserve others' feelings.

The two controlled and maintained the balance between being too blunt and too much of a pushover.

Tommy soon realized that Tubbo had no use for him, however.

Ranboo was to take his place, and _god,_ who wouldn't like the boy? He was usually calm and collected, but actually treated people kindly and with compassion.

(Tommy sometimes dreams how everything would be so different if their personalities were swapped or changed. Oh well. It's too late to think about something like that, now...)

**v. eret**

Eret was bisexual--anyone familiar with the man knew this. Everyone _also_ knew that him coming out as Bi was a hard feat for him--he was worried about whether or not he would _still_ be accepted within the Minecraft community. (Thankfully he _was._ )

This is also why Tommy went to him when he started questioning his own self about his sexuality, or therefore, lack _of_. As much as he made jokes about loving women and such, he never experienced any emotion towards them _or_ boys.

When the two meet in Brighton, Eret just snorts and ruffles the boy's hair and drops the topic immediately, telling him to not worry about it.

(Tommy can't help but gape. He mustered courage to tell Eret about his position on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and the older _just... dismisses it..?_ )

**vi. dream**

Tommy really thought that for a guy that has experienced so much hate spread his way due to quickly rising in popularity, he'd be much more understanding with Tommy's situation. As it turns out though... Dream was too busy for him. The older man brushed him off, when he asked to privately talk to him outside of streaming hours.

Tommy laid his head on his desk and gripped his knuckles.

**vii. sapnap**

Frankly, Tommy had heard every insult possible. Most of them came from Sapnap--the man was open about his opinions on others and other topics. He laughed them off and without knowing it, he personally hit Tommy in the Achilles Heel when he made fun of his speech impediment while in a heated debate with him.

(No one knew it but Tommy had always been self-conscious about it--why _wouldn't_ he be? After all, he was bullied for it, for as long as he can remember)

**viii. schlatt**

Schlatt was his role model. The man was funny and enjoyed chaos--just like him. So, when he was invited to the Dream SMP, Tommy was ecstatic. He was gleaming with joy, frankly. 

(He was soon to realize that Schlatt was not all everyone made him out to be)

The man threw insults at him, and while Tommy usually was able to take those types of comments in stride, it hit different, coming from his personal idol.

**reprise**

Tommy is tired. He's so very tired. He can't be bothered to stream anymore--he sees the messages sent by his fellow Minecrafters, but deep inside, he knows they don't care. He reckons they'll be happy when he's gone--when he ends it all.

So he does.

But as he fades out of consciousness he sees a familiar brown-haired man in his vision. The man is saying _something_ , but he doesn't know _what_.

" _Wilbur?_ " He quietly breathes out, before his body shuts down.

**Author's Note:**

> Haha angst go brrrrrrrr


End file.
